They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
