I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
