All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
