It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
