so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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