The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
