That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
