he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
