Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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