I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
