oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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