I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
