I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
