I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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