is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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