Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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