i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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