I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
