Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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