you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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