I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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