We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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