what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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