There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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