I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
