i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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