well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
