What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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