what day is it and did you see me today?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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