i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is wine microwaveable?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
