lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
