I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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