Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I want a musical about memes.
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