Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
