nut hugger
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
