Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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