....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
