I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
