After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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