I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
