If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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