I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
