Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
