i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
