i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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