I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
