wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
