if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
