Do you still have your period?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
