They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
