The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Naked Twister starts at high noon
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
