Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
