Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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